Natali Del Conte

Anjuan, if you are saying that as a nation we need to stop with all this racist stuff, then maybe YOU can start yourself, by not bringing up racist topics, period. You know, very well, deep down inside that Natali never meant anything bad when she said "Bloods and Crips". You're just one of those kinds of people that will take any opportunity to impose your bitterness on others.

Anjuan, you're doing a real horrible job in trying to start a conversation with a pretty girl like Natali !!! You get my award , for the worse pickup lines of the year !

Natali Del Conte said:
[snip]
“...I still cannot fathom that there are men in any community who would go as far as to rape a 3 year-old. How is that even possible? What are the driving forces behind this terrible use of power and where do we stop the domino effect?”
[/snip]

I am a forty something male adult who was sexually abused for years by a female member of my my own family.

I have to discuss this issue in the third person from this point.

The victim forms two personalities, a rational one and a chaotic one.

The chaotic personality is filled with anger, fear and sadness. The rational one clings to threads of hope but of the two, the chaotic personality is the one that is often the dominant one.

The chaotic personality is defensive and violent without prejudice. Any kind of intimate relationship is doomed unless the disorder is dealt with.

The 'domino effect' where a victim turns into an abuser, is an important point but not all abusers are ex-victims.

Humans regularly surrender to primitive, hard wired urges. Education, support and discipline can help control these urges.

Symptoms of the urge to acquire (and maintain) power:
- Violence, in order to influence others through fear.
- Acquisition of stuff and money. Money and stuff influence others because of others' primitive urges and thus gives influence/power to those with stuff and money.

Then there is: Addiction or another word: Dependence

Pornography feeds an obvious primitive urge. A massive industry NOT feeding BUT stimulating this human requirement. Pornography is designed specifically to activate this human urge. Everywhere we look we see images of flesh-exposing people used to advertise products, suggesting that if you purchase that product or service, something sexual (to some degree) will occur.

It is my opinion that pornography is addictive.

Solutions:
Which schools and where in the world, spend an hour or more a week, of every week educating students about the problems of sexual abuse? Let alone addictions/dependencies and why these things happen?

Don't ban industries that make money from human urges because where would it stop. After all consumerism and capitalism are about feeding the human urge for pleasure.

Educate. From the earliest possible age, educate your children about the need for restraint and discipline.

Most of all educate them to know that it is okay to talk about these things without ridicule, whether they are a victim or not because those who are responsible for abuse rely on the fact that their victim/s will be too afraid to fight back!

For the record, I did not feel personally attacked at all by Anjuan's post. What I meant to say was that I don't agree that what I said should be offensive but I also don't get to say what people find offensive. If he found my comments offensive, it is completely within his prerogative to say so and I should not pass judgment on that.

As for the Puerto Rican gangsters, I wouldn't feel upset about that because there do exist Puerto Rican gangsters, much to my chagrin. I wish there weren't but just saying that they exist does not a slur make. It simply alludes to the sad facts that some Puerto Ricans are dumb enough to get in gangs.

Anyway, to be clear, I did not feel attacked by this issue and all of my readers are perfectly welcome to say whatever they want on my blog as long as it isn't sexist or prurient.

Natali,
I definitely did not mean my post to be taken as an attack. I tried to write it in a sensitive and respectful way, but it obviously did not come across in that manner. For that, I apologize. My main concern is the ready example of African American men as a sign of a bad neighborhood. If you were listening to a conversation and someone said, "I knew I was driving into a bad neighborhood when I saw a few Puerto Rican gangsters walking toward my car", how would you interpret that comment? Would you think that the person may have negative views of Puerto Ricans or that they were simply making an observation about gangs?

I want to emphasize that I have a deep respect for you as a technology professional and as a human being, and I know that you are no stranger to issues of racial insensitivity. I just think that it is the subconscious stereotypes behind even off hand remarks that can be frustrating to minorities. However, I am thankful that we live in a country where racially sensitive issues can be discussed in a mature manner without fear.

Thanks for taking the time to read and reply to my comment. I wish you the best in New York!

Full disclosure: I posted about this in the Buzz Out Loud forum in order to open a dialog about issues of race for the listeners of the show. Many of them agree with David and Bryan (who I applaud for defending you since they thought I was attacking you).

Regards,

Anjuan

Thanks for standing up for me David and Bryan. Anjuan, of course I would never mean to offend you. I agree with David and Bryan that the use of well-known gang names does not imply any racial slur but we don't get to choose what offends you and what does not. You get to choose that and so I apologize for the simple fact that I made you feel bad.

That being said, I believe that the use of a gang name to illustrate "bad neighborhood" doesn't imply anything whatsoever about race. The two gangs I mentioned have made a terrible name for themselves and it is based on that reputation that I used the reference, not based on their race. I have a masters in sociology and studied race theory extensively so I like to think I'm one of the last people to be insensitive to issues of race but the personal is political so, again, you choose what offends you and what doesn't.

Oh, and no worries for calling me out about this publicly. It is a public blog after all. Thanks for your comments!

Natali

Anjuan,

Natali suggested that bad neighborhoods were synonymous with gangs. She never mentioned any racial group. She made an attempt at humour by inserting a household name for gangs. That is all.

Implying that she meant something else is a negative indication of what is going on in your mind-- not her's.

That you are a successful African-American in the technology industry, others are looking up to you to portray yourself as a leader who knows the facts before propagating a very sensitive issue as racial strife where none exists.

I'm sorry mate but I think you may have taken the comment out of context.

If she had said "Black Guys" like you say, then it would have been a terrible thing to say. But she didn't. The Crips and Bloods are large and widely feared gangs, regardless of racial composition. If she had mentioned Hells Angels, MS-13, Yakuza, or the Russian Mafia does that mean she has a problem with the ethnic groups generally associated with those gangs? Not at all. The implication of her statement is nothing more than 'gangs can be dangerous'.

While I agree with you that there are still problems with race and gender issues in the United States, I fear in this case you may have found offense where none was intended.

Hi Natali,
I want to start this out by saying that I have a tremendous amount of respect from you, and I enjoy the contributions that you have made to technology journalism. I first saw you on Cranky Geeks and then became a regular viewer of TeXtra. I admire the combination of technology credibility and unique personality that you incorporate into your public persona.

That being said, I have to take issue with a comment you made on yesterday's episode (#641) of Buzz Out Loud. You and Tom Merritt were joking about a GPS unit that should warn users of bad neighborhoods. You then mentioned that it should say "Crips and Bloods" ahead. I am fairly sure that you did not mean it this way, but I was hurt that you would suggest that bad neighborhoods were synonymous with the presence of African American men. Not all black neighborhoods are dangerous and not all non-black neighborhoods are safe. I know that you said "Crips and Bloods" ahead and not "Black guys" ahead, but your comment hints at the negative views of African Americans, especially African American men, in this country. I was saddened to realize that, despite living in a time when we actually have an African American man with a realistic chance of making to the White House, such views would come across in a technology podcast that I greatly enjoy and respect and from someone like you.

I know many people will take this as an exaggeration, but, as one of the few African American men represented in the technology industry, I felt that I should raise this issue. Our country, despite being the most advanced nation in the world, has a long way to go when it comes to race relations. I think that many people would rather sweep this truth under the rug, but, as a member of the group most damaged by racism, I am keenly aware of its effect.

Natali, I am sorry for posting this in such a public place, but I do not have an email address for you or any way of reliably contacting you directly. I know that as a Puerto Rican woman, you are a double minority in the technology industry, and, thus, probably have to deal with racial and gender issues every day. But, I ask that you be more aware and sensitive about how you portray African American people in the future.

I wish you the best,

Anjuan Simmons

Dave, relax on the grammar. This is one of those entries where content is indeed king.

Wow, I cannot begin to understand what sort of power you a man needs to subjugate a 3 yr old...they are already at the mercy of those around them. I just can't understand. I wish I knew how I could help....

Although I don't have a lot of information about the the terrible rapes and other atrocities happening right now, I can give you a bit of background information on the region that might shed some light on the current events.

As far as the instability goes, it can be traced wayback to the time of the European empires. The Europeans who believed it was their 'right' to rule over the people in Africa, thus irrevocably changing the cultures for the majority of the continents inhabitants.

More recently, the Rwandan Genocide occurred (1994). There are two primary ethnic groups in Rwanda, the Hutu and Tutsi, who were squared off against each other decades before by the then ruling Belgians, who eventually pulled out and left behind the mess they'd created. The two groups were taught to hate each other.

In spite of the warnings of a small UN force that was operating in Kigali, one of the greatest human catastrophes in recent memory was allowed to happy. I say 'allowed' because the global community was warned that something terrible was about to happen. They just chose to ignore it. Who cares about Rwanda, right?

Within a few months, nearly one million people were dead.

The Hutu's were eventually defeated, and fled west, into the DRC. This is how the larger war began. The war involved as many as 9 nations and directly led to the deaths of as many as 3.8 million people in a 10 year span, giving it the highest death toll of any war since the second world war. Strange how we rarely if ever heard anything about this on the news hey?

Anyway, the region has been massively destabilized by all of the conflict. With little or no support from the rest of the world. After over a decade of fighting, many people have devolved to a point where power has become the cornerstone of their existence. The only currency accepted, so to speak. And any action, however abhorrent, is part of that drive to control.

I'm sorry if that speech was a little bit long-winded. But I hope it was helpful and answers at least some of your questions.

Again, related to the background for current events, I highly recommend reading Shake Hands With The Devil, by Romeo Dallaire. He was in charge of the UN mission to Rwanda during the genocide and it talks about his experiences there. It really is a cornerstone book for understanding the politics involved in the region and shows the ugly truth of how we in the west have marginalized the lives of those people.

common sense is no longer common


the world can be a very ugly place.

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"With that in mind, I still cannot fathom"
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